OK! First of all, it is definitely time to revise an 8-year old order. The boy’s needs have changed a lot and greater father involvement is needed.
ADVICE is to do everything via email so you’ll have a complete record of the dialogue.
The first thing to do is contact the son via email and ask if he’d like to spend more time with the father. And find out why. You can do some of this in person but again, you want documentation.
Once that fact is established, simply tell the ex that you ARE going to begin spending more time with your son. Lay out a plan – maybe every other weekend beginning on Thursday evening and ending on Monday morning (this is important because it keeps you connected to the child’s real life, school, activities, etc.) See what she says.
If she responds with “NO WAY” you’re on your way to a solid court case. Be patient and keep explaining that your son WANTS more time with you and that it will be in the child’s best interests for whatever reasons you want to define. Ask her if you can see your son on specific dates and have him sleep over. Again, every time she says NO you have ammo. Who knows, though — she might just say “yes”.
Keep your child informed in a safe, nonthreatening way. Don’t blame anyone for the lack of contact. Just state the facts without anger – “I’ve asked your mom if we could spend more time and some full weekends together but right now she won’t say yes. I’ll keep working it with her.” Stay in touch with the child via email (I took over two dozen of these types of emails with me when I went for custody — from both the ex and my son).
One of two things will happen – either you’ll get more time without too much trouble OR you’ll have a great and well documented case that you can present yourself. If it goes to a judge make sure you take along all the statistics on youth crime as it relates to father-absence. The best document for this is the Joint Resolution passed in the U.S. Congress in 1999.
That’s the short answer from me. Remember that most people who become lawyers do so because they are completely incompetent at anything else. They subsist on bluff and bombast – most haven’t a clue and figure that by being arrogant and abusive they can scare you away. Do your best to ignore them the way you ignore the other leaches and dregs of the cesspool.